The Woman I Want To Be

Oh! Hello, there!

2012-01-29T19:26:00.004-05:00

I didn't see you come in. Too busy crying over thoughts of loved ones passed and those that are still alive, but I am missing all of a sudden. Well, not really all of a sudden; I miss them all of the time. Sometimes, though, it bubbles up through my eyes and I have to cry it out, sing a little, think of them fondly and let it out. Not trying to be a downer, just showing a side of myself that we all, as humans share. Sometimes our loneliness is compounded by the sudden thoughts of dear ones who have gone before. If you must know, I was thinking of my maternal Grandmother (the one who is still alive, but barely, with Alzheimer's), maternal Great-Grandmother (d.) and my paternal Grandparents (d.) It hits without warning, sometimes, and I talk to them. This time, I sought out a couple of oldies on YouTube and sang to them as best as I could through my sobs. Regardless, I know that they'd have enjoyed it. Do you have these breakdowns every so often? Who do you miss? Are they still on this plane, or have they passed on?
As the Winter struggles with it's position with Spring on it's heels, rebirth comes to the forefront of my mind. Our chickens at work are confused. Well, their bodies are, anyway. A few have fallen into an early moult, and our guineas are laying, again. The constant power struggle between seasons has thrown us all off! But, with rebirth comes opportunity and hope and clearer eyes. Life goes on and on, ever and always. We must all press on, enjoy the time we have and hold close the dear ones in our lives. For who knows when we shall meet again?
The last dream that I can recall (that I conveniently recorded at the end of the day) was on Wednesday, January 25 (of this year, obviously.) It is written in my dream journal as follows:
On a tour of some tourist attraction in Egypt. (I'm not leading the tour.) Someone brings up the "curse of the mummy," and some people get worried, others not so much. Then, the curse happens! Those of us inside are "trapped," and the tour guide tells us to stay calm and "let it happen." The Pharaoh's dogs/dragons/lion-things are sniffing out the women. They determine who goes with the Pharaoh. One took a liking to me. Before I knew it, I was in Ancient Egypt as one of Pharaoh's servants/wives. I was his favorite. At one point, I remember asking if anyone (women) wanted to go with me "to the River Nile to collect water for tomorrow?" No one was interested, so I went alone. Later, I also remember spending time just walking and talking with Pharaoh (he was extremely good looking!) I also recall a flash of later on (the last bit of the dream) -> I was driving "into" the compound, as if it were a set-up like Plimoth Plantation. I drove down the "center aisle" between steppes (like rice steppes) toward the pyramid, but it was all still a desert. As I drove in, I passed the Pharaoh, and, though he was grinning, he was shaking his head "no" at me. Then, as if by telepathy, one of the other girls working told me to turn around, we're not open today. Then I woke up.

I know that my dreams have been continuously vivid, but their remnants dissolve upon waking. It has been some time since I had that second cup of Mugwort/Wormwood tea, and even though I have a live Mugwort plant (now happily rooting in soil on my nightstand), remembering each morning has not improved. Fingering the spines of my occult library today, I came across a book that I have never used. It is a retired library book that (I think) Auntie gave to me. Herb Magic and Garden Craft by Louise Evans Doole. (It smells divine, by the way!) My copy is from 1972, but the transcript was originally published in 1964 under the title Herb and Garden Ideas. It reads more for the occasional gardener (as am I) and cook, not as much for magickal usage. However, each of the herbs listed in the easy-to-follow book have their own purpose in the mystical realm. Besides, don't we all recognize that all plants have their ways? Don't we all know that everything has it's own charm and function? My green thumb extends only to my odd ability to grow roses without much interference past watering. Thank you, Grandma! Lucky for me, most magickal herbs and plants are "weeds," anyway. If my mugwort dies, then I will admit to owning truly brown thumbs. At any rate, I look forward to trying again with the "herb garden" planning. Most of my plants will be potted and keep as small as possible; only large enough to borrow when I am in need. To be honest, I'm looking forward to having live plants, whether or not I use them in the future. By simply having them around me and my home, I will gain the knowledge they care to share.
My eldest sister has always had some sort of veg garden in the works, since I can remember. Perhaps she and my other sister drew the longer straws before they were born, leaving me with a stubby, little brown thing. Ah! Well! We've all got our creativity and artistic pursuits that we happily share with one another. For instance, eldest sis has recently had a grand re-opening of her Etsy shop with lovely new and original, handmade journals, jewelry and trinkets! (She's such a go-getter! I haven't even listed one thing in my Etsy shop.) To celebrate, she's got a fab giveaway going until this Thursday (February 2). You should really check out her blog From the Hart of My Dearest to see the goodies she's giving away! I'm lucky; I get lovely handmade things when there are gifts to be given at family gatherings and on my birthdays! May be unfair for me to enter, but that shouldn't stop any of you from entering the drawing!
Alright, I'm off to get my tea ready; it's been too long.

Ebb and Flow

2012-01-22T10:12:00.004-05:00

My dreams have been coming every night. I have not had a cup of the Mugwort/Wormwood tea for a fortnight, now. Lacking the ability to remember enough to record said dreams when I wake is, I think, a result of the extra, magickal oomph. Having the darling plant living on my bookshelf in my bedroom must be of some assistance. Then again, I am a firm believer of ingestion of power. Necromantic in its imagery; harmless in this case. My dear little Mugwort begs to be planted, and shall be today if the ground is not so frozen neath the heavy, wet snows. So, my dreams come and go. The Moon is waning, after all.
In blog news, I am blushing for numerous reasons! Imagine my excitement when I read this morning that I had won the drawing over on Wizardess' blog, Go Out Beneath the Naked Night, for the lovely tarot giveaway she was having! Now, see me turn a deeper shade of red as she links to my blog! And still deeper crimson when I realize that I entered the drawing, but never linked to her here before it ended! The shame! I am so thrilled to have won, but oh! How uncouth was I that I didn't send more people to her site. *shakes head* Not nice, Renee.
Anyway, Wizardess has been a die-hard follower of mine for quite a long while. I, too have enjoyed the wisdom and whimsy she has shared with her followers. Having such grand Pagan community members available to us (practiced and green, alike) help us all learn a little something more everyday. If you enjoy my blog, I think that Go Out Beneath the Naked Night would also be a lovely fit!

Dreams, Mugwort and a Haunting

2012-01-18T19:10:00.004-05:00

Had a great dream the other night, but I think it only fair to keep some dreams to oneself. It's in my journal, but, just as a birthday wish cannot be shared, so too are the dreams we hope to come true stowed deep inside.
On that note, I asked the Field Manager at work if we ever grew Mugwort or Wormwood. He said that Mugwort is one of the weeds that he can't ever get ride of, no matter what he does. Wormwood, he thinks, may grow here at there as a weed, too, but Winter keeps them well hidden. He brought me into one of the greenhouses and pointed out some young, but hearty and lovely Mugwort. Being so difficult to eradicate, he assured me that my success with a transplant would very likely be great. At the end of my shift, I dug up what I could, brought her home and stuck her in a small bit of water to revive her thirsty roots. I shall plant her up tomorrow and keep her in my room! The promise of a fresh, magickal herb at my fingertips is a boon to my soul, with the scent of her silvery foliage filling my senses with joy and still more dream power.
Lastly, last night, as twilight settled into night, I was leaving the farm and fiddling with the gate to the parking lot. I had thought, then, that I saw my boss standing in the doorway of the farmstand. "Odd," I thought, "but maybe he's just making sure that I was locking the gate behind me." Nevermind the fact that his golf cart was nowhere around, the doors to the stand were locked and the lights (except for the ever-lit machinery within) were all off. Nevermind the fact that, the door the figured peered through was half obstructed inside, making it impossible for someone in that window to be standing as I had seen what I thought was my boss. Nevermind the fact that, as I found out today, my boss and his wife (also my boss) weren't even on the premises. Nevermind the fact that I was the only person there when I left. I thought about waving "goodnight," but figured that I'd just go on as I was and go home. Upon further investigation this afternoon, I realized that there was no way there was someone standing there, as I had seen someone, where I had seen them.
The image, now knowing that it was an apparition, haunts my mind still.

Dream:January 16 (AM)

2012-01-16T07:25:00.002-05:00

Two stalls were added on to one side of the donkey barn at work, and the one, large paddock was split into smaller paddocks. I was trying to figure out which animals should go into which stalls, and there were people there with whom I went to school. So, after moving the donkeys, I used a couple of the people as place-holders. But I ran out of time, so I went home for the night. In the morning, I had realized that I had left the people there without food or water overnight. Oops!

Still Dreaming

2012-01-15T08:34:00.002-05:00

The following is what I wrote in my dream journal this morning.
I was at that old theater-cum-waterpark. At the bottom of the "flooded stairs," I was drying off with a couple of other people (a woman and a man) around my age. We started talking about how rude it was that people just throw the towels supplied by the theater anywhere. So, the woman and I started hanging them on railings to dry. Then, we were packing and talking about a trip to Argentina. The room we were in became an extension of our apartment and wasn't the theater anymore. I kept asking, "What should I pack? How long will we be there?" I now knew that I was a new member of Josh Gates' Destination Truthteam! My first investigation was a haunted town in Argentina. Josh came in at one point and we talked. I asked him some questions, felt very intelligent, then he sort of sat back and we were already there. From what I can remember, the investigation was pretty much just our talking to an old woman. Then we were on a nearly deserted street in Japan, at a cafe on a street corner. I was talking to 3 older men (I was at a "bistro sidewalk" table with 2, and the other was in the doorway of the cafe/shop.)The signs were in Japanese and Spanish, and the man at the table with me on my left spoke English, so was trying to help me learn a little more. Then, the woman (from packing) and Josh were there. We started talking about the investigation. Japanese man to my left started talking to me, again. It began to lightly snow and I noticed that we were all in tees and shorts. None of us were cold. An old woman rode up on a rickshaw and parked on the corner. On the floor of the rickshaw were 4, volleyball-sized, glowing, red balls tied together with soft, green twine. The color of the twine matched the green ivy design on the balls. Through their jostling (from the rickshaw), they rang like those stress-relief balls(Baoding Balls.)Josh bowed his head and started to pray. (I remembered (in my dream memory, not IRL) seeing those balls in Argentina, too.) All of a sudden, I was talking to the guy from the investigation who was now sitting to my right. I whispered that it was too bad we didn't get to that street at 12:00 (midnight) to see the "Wild Hunt" pass through. Josh looked up and asked, "What?" I looked over and and said, "Oh! I was just telling Elf," I looked at the guy next to me and started laughing. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to call you that! " He looked like Will Farrell. "Maybe it was that movie, and its snowing, so..." I turned back to Josh and sang what I had told "Elf." Then, I sang that I didn't know why I was singing. I sounded like Loreena McKennitt, and I think I impressed everyone there.

Interpretation, anyone?

Jauary 12, 2012 @ 6:00AM

2012-01-15T08:13:00.002-05:00

From my dream journal.
3 dreams: first, I cant remember, now.
Second, I was a young girl (whole dream viewed 1st person) on the run from a "dirty cop, so I had to live on the streets. Dirty cop was Will Farrell, but as bumbly as he was, he was still confident and not funny. I was being hidden and helped by a guy(Adam Pally). The first time he got me away from the cop, he was in a living room, smoking a tobacco pipe, standing on a giantred tortilla chip. He saw me come around the corner of the hall to the living room and was waving me over,whisper-yelling for me to "get on!" I looked at hi funny ("It's a tortilla chip!"), but I hopped on behind him, accidentally broke off a back corner with my foot, grabbed a hold of him, and up and off we went flying! I was safe. Then, for some reason, later on we were back in that house (it was the cop's house.)
We hid behind the far end of the sofa (all of the room's colors were faded, 70s browns and drab.)When the cop got out of the shower, he heard us and we ran out the back door. We could hear him trailing us through the woods (again) but on his phone with his superior. He didn't catch us, but came close, as, before we get into the woods, we had to jump over and around a lot of mesh wire rolls, fencing and farming equipment.
3rd dream: in some sort of "Normans store.(It's a department store in Michigan. Very imposing and gigantic to me as a child.)Ran into Uncle D (who was a good 2 feet taller than me.)(This dream was also 1st person.) He was wearing a long, tribal-like leather-pelt cloak/cape. I was excited about it, and, asking if I could try it on, well, I did! I practically drowned in it! It was so big! I loved it! Weird. There were other elements to the dream before the Uncle D thing, but that's all I remember, now.

I've Had a Few

2012-01-15T07:44:00.002-05:00

Dreams, that is. The last dream that I mentioned here was the one about reading magazines. That didn't actually get entered into my dream journal for one reason or another. Probably just laziness; I'm prone to laziness. Anyway, I've three entries in my journal since then, and they are at least two pages each. So, for the sake of my dear readers' sanity, I'll break them up into three entries; this being the first.

Dream from entry not dated, but between January 6 and 12.

Xmas party, but just "Steph" and me at Grandma and Grandpa S's house (before they moved out here), but it wasn't... We were eating nuts and cheese and I was making a huge mess. We were watching on television. Grandpa walked in. (We were the only three in the house.) He started talking about stuff, but we were just annoyed that he wouldn't stop talking. I started "vacuuming" the floors (4 wool rugs on top of one another on a carpeted floor) with my foot. Grandpa picked up a gift from under the tree and was excited because it was for him. On the side was written my mother's name (first and last) in her handwriting. Steph and I pointed out that it was from Debi. And he said he knew, put it back and walked into the hall, mumbling about random stuff.
At one point, I was in a car with another adult, 2 kids and a dalmation-person who was pregnant with puppies. We were going to the airport to pick up the mother of the kids. We got there, went to baggage claim and found her suitcase opened with contents hastily set on top. We started grabbing things and arranging them like puzzle pieces in the back of the powder blue (tiny) car. (There was no way it was the car we came in, nor that we would all fit into it with all of the stuff in the back.) Also, we were filling it as it was parked in baggage claim.
All of a sudden, we were back at the house. I'm cleaning the floor again (same room) and a couple of "cops" come to the door. I insisted we hide, but the little girl had already let them in. They had a German Shepherd. While the man spoke to the other people, I kept arranging rugs as I approached the side near the woman and dog. She made a gesture like, "Don't get too close; he bites." I glared at her and told her that I wasn't coming to pet him, turned my back and went back to arranging on that side. They wanted to inspect our "graveyard." I looked up and out the big window into the backyard and saw the 2 or 3 headstones. I got nervous. They went out the door and we all sat down inside, watching t.v. again. Then, a t.v. crew came in and started interviewing the other woman (from the beginning, not Steph anymore) and they started laughing. I asked them what was so funny -->They zoomed in on the "almond paste" at the corner (on the floor) of the biggest rug. But it was a powder, and looked like a tassel. I was angry that they were laughing and felt ashamed that I had missed it while I was cleaning.
I'd say that was pretty vivid; especially since I can still see it in my mind. Next up: January 12.

As an Adult

2012-01-11T16:47:00.002-05:00

When I was in high school, I got into the program Ally McBeal when it was in its last season. I loved it! Then, it ended. I remember thinking, "Gee! I wish I had been watching this from the first." No one in school agreed. In fact, they couldn't really understand why I was so into the show. I mean, I wasn't obsessed with it, by any means! But, honestly, it tickled me.
Well, as I am able to see episodes online now that I missed all of those years ago, it's all the more enjoyable. Why? Back then, I was 16 or 17; totally inexperienced and ignorant to the ways of love and life. For goodness sake! I was that girl in English class. You know who I'm talking about; there is at least one in every class, every year. I was the girl who, during discussions of Romeo and Juliet raised my hand with my nose in the air and disagreed with the teacher. "What did you disagree to, Renee?" you ask. "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I hated that statement and found it melodramatic. "How stupid!" I cried incredulously. "How would someone know what they were missing if they'd never had it? Further more, why would someone want to live with the pain of having lost love, rather than simply live without; not knowing what they'd lost?" It made no sense. Teacher's response? "Try it, and get back to me." Ugh! I was outraged! Maybe I just wanted an argument.
Then again, a few years later, I fell in love. Really in love for the first time. And, until he cheated on me, I was on cloud nine. Now I understood. Sadly, I have yearned for love and a great connection ever since. So, I'm left wondering: is it better to have loved and lost? I may still disagree. I may never find it again, and I know now what I'm missing. Or, perhaps I don't. That guy was a jackass and love may be even more marvelous and magnificent and fabulous and other incredible adjectives. Maybe I don't really know what I'm missing, but, gosh! Even that bit of closeness is hard to go without.
I digress. Ally McBeal. Loved it then, before I knew life and love. Some 10-odd years later, I have known love and life, in many forms. The show really touches base with me as an adult. Poor Ally! Maybe, on some level in my "wise beyond my years" younger days I knew that, though masked in hilarity and foolishness, life actually has darker shades mirrored by the fantastic lives of these characters. Certainly, it's all "go-go-go" and tensions and "what ifs" and "I can't believe she just said/did that." But such is life. The writers conveyed a future to a young woman who barely knew what drama was and what could inevitably become her life. They were able to execute their convictions so succinctly that they ring true even today. That young girl in 2000/1 is now a woman in 2012. And you know? Shows like this help people like me, singles who sometimes feel hopeless in love (let's face it; it does feel like that sometimes.) Well, we feel a little less hopeless. Because, honestly, how could the writers put pen to paper and bring forth those points and feelings (and utter desperation and confusion) if they weren't truly felt by someone else somewhere at some point down the line?

At 7:45PM, Tonight

2012-01-09T19:40:00.002-05:00

This sickness is taking its toll in still another form; sleepiness. I was already sleepy-eyed when the clock struck seven. Fading fast, I have set my Mugwort/Wormwood tea to steeping, and will shut down the old laptop after this post. This time, I am to do this properly. Since I am fully certain of no ill effects of the tea, meditation and chakra openness awaits before surrendering to Morpheus.

Again, the recipe:
1 tsp Mugwort
1/2 tsp Wormwood
1/2 tsp Licorice Root
1 C boiling water
Steep 5-10 minutes (though I wait ten. This allows the herbs to fully steep, as well as letting the brew cool enough to chug and avoid the bitterness that surely follows.)

Slight changes in this cup:
~Licorice Root: from 1/2 tsp to 1 tsp (to help cut unpleasantness)
~Honey: roughly 1/2 Tbsp
~Vanilla Extract: one cap full (which I guess is about 1 tsp.)

Oop! Time to chugalug! Hold on.
...
Nope. Didn't help. Not much, anyway. Also, all of this walking about has helped my sinuses clear up slightly, so... Hold on a tick, the bitter after taste *does* have a tiny, minute bit of sweetness to it.
Not much, though.
Here's to psychic enhancement and vivid dreams!
Bottom's up!

Not Much To Report

2012-01-09T15:42:00.002-05:00

Once again, I skipped the tea. Bedtime kept getting pushed further and further into the evening that I wasn't interested in "winding down" and waiting ten minutes for the brew to steep to its full potency. It's fine. Tonight seems best for it anyway, as my nose is so stuffed that I doubt the bitterness will even have a chance to set in before I brush, floss and rinse before bed. (One way to be positive about my temporary lack of olfactory capability...)

The details of last night's dream (that I recall) are few. I know that I was flipping through celebrity gossip mags and came across a "supernatural" or "SyFy" magazine. Just my luck! As I flipped through, it fell open to an article on Destination Truth and Josh Gates. Neat! So I flopped it closed to look at the cover and, low and behold! It was a cover story with a great picture of Josh and Jael (another "sometimes investigator" on the show.) I was pretty excited to have an issue with content in which I was actually interested. What does that say about my waking life? Well, truthfully, I just watched the last available episode of DT on hulu and SyFy.com two days ago. Also, I think, perhaps, I need to get out more. Then again, I can't really go out and about with this bug. Oh well, sometimes dreams are just fun to have; they always mean something.
...
Right?
*~_^*

Surprise!

2012-01-08T08:56:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, my eldest sister, auntie and I (with help from my next eldest sister's boyfriend) had a surprise party for the latter sister. What fun! She didn't expect a thing and we still went ahead and stuck with her plan for a tea party. The only difference is that we were able to get into the apartment a couple of hours before she returned home from work, there were flowers (pink carnations, as they are her faves), balloons, cupcakes from Cupcake Charlie's and everything was ready and arranged when she arrived!
She was very excited for her new bunch of fabric and "American girl" barbie doll (from Auntie), and her pretty, white scarf and vintage sewing book from our sister. We used the gift I gave her to serve the tea. (I inadvertently picked the swap gift at christmas that was meant for her; a silver plated tea/coffee service. So, I bought a pack of vanilla scented Cape Cod Metal Polishing Cloths, shined her up like new and Bob's Your Uncle!) I don't think she minded to regifting.
We laughed, shared our "resolutions" and played Rock Band into the night.
Now, I come to my confession. I seem to have come down with some sort of bug that begins with a scratchy throat. Instead of the planned Dream/Psychic tea last night, I downed 2/3 of a dose of NyQuil that I had staring me in the face when I got home. Thank goodness I'm never sick enough to empty those meds in one illness. I'll just go ahead with the tea tonight. But the sleepiness from the medicine put me out from whenever we returned home last night (11, maybe?) until 8:40 this morning. If I had slept without "help", my body would have naturally woken up around 7. Then again, my scratchy throat probably would have kept me up all night...
I did have at least three dreams last night, though. In two, there seemed to have been children around. Also, I seemed to have been helping them with something. In one, I was definitely baby-sitting two brothers. They couldn't have been much older than 7. That was a dream within a dream. The outer layer had me talking about my dream to a woman with whom I was traveling and scavenging. It was a sort of "take what you can find to survive, but not war-like" sort of future world. It couldn't have been this future world, though, as it was all lush and green. I started pocketing pristine apples that had fallen to the ground when she tapped me on my shoulder and pointed to that odd, little plant. "Fairy Cupcakes." That wasthe name of the plant. No joke, the "flowers" were tiny cupcakes with "bubbled" tops. They were in a lovely assortment of colors, but the only cakes ripe for the picking had to be a toasted, golden brown (think: unfrosted, vanilla cupcakes just out of the oven.") One was the size of roughly three erasers (that you'd find at the end of a pencil) put together. This was the only dream I remember vividly enough to share this morning. Though medicine induced, I may still share a bit of what the "dream dictionary" finds in its meaning.

~Children: Retreating into myself to a more childlike state? Doesn't sound like what I'm doing. Then again, Ive always had an affinity for the more childish pursuits.
~Babysitting: Again with the need to take care of the child within.
~Survival through travel and scavenging: I will prevail through my troubles, but must stay positive. The travel signifies my need to get out of my daily routine and make a fresh start "where no one has any expectations of" me. (But how do I escape my own expectation of myself?) The only "scavenging" entry was for "scavenger hunt," and tells me that I'm lacking something in my waking life. I was looking for food to survive, and I just obsess about getting back to better eating habits every day.
~Apples: (a magical fruit)To see apples scattered on the ground in your dream signifies that false friends are working to deceive and harm you.Hmm...my circle of friends is itty-bitty. I don't think that this is true.In particular, to see green apples represent developing love or love that has yet to blossom.Interesting, especially since I have no prospects. The last apple I picked up was a massive Granny Smith, before the woman I was with took my attention away to the Fairy Cupcakes.
~Cupcakes:To see or eat a cupcake in your dream suggests that you are treating yourself to a little sweet reward. You feel that you are deserving of some sort of gift of prize. Alternatively, a cupcake represents your need to downsize some aspect of your life in order to make it more palatable or manageable. Take it a little bit at a time. Telling me to slow down my planning for the year? Or is it telling me to keep my plans as they are and do more (if I feel that I can/must) next year?

**Update: I'm feeling (surprisingly) better after having spent nearly all day in bed. I had my usual morning oatmeal (with peanut butter and banana) and a cup of Immune Support Yogi Tea (the pink label). Now, hours later, my scratchy throat is not scratchy, but the left side of my sinuses are only slightly stuffy. I should have known something was up days ago when I had a little tickle deep in my throat that just wouldn't go away. Oh, well; I'm on the mend. And how!

Thanks Destination Truth!

2012-01-06T07:15:00.002-05:00

Just watched another episode of Destination Truth. This is something I like to do before work in the morning. If you haven't seen it, and enjoy shows like Ghost Hunters or Rick Steve's (insert place of travel here), I recommend it. What's I really enjoy is that fact that it's like a travel show that investigates cryptozoological and paranormal sightings and stories.
The episode I watched this morning was from season 3; The Masada/The Leprechaun. It was all interesting, but now I feel like I have a specific town to visit when I go to Ireland/England with Anam Cara; Doolin in County Clare.

All Through the Night

2012-01-06T06:15:00.002-05:00

Dreams abound, last night! In fact,I was dreaming, then waking so frequently, that I remember thinking at one point, "I wonder if I should get up and write that down before I fall back to sleep?"
Well, I didn't, and this is the price I pay: I can only recall a handful (if that) of details to share. Let's see what I can catch, and if I can do it in order...

~bathing dogs (We were bathing them. It wasn't some sort of Wonderland scene.)
~Asian populations (a couple of my dreams plopped my down into Asian cities, but I don't know where.)
...
Yep, that's pretty much all I can bring up. So amazing, though! I dreamed throughout the night!

Oh! Well, There You Go.

2012-01-05T20:07:00.001-05:00

Guide
To see or dream that you are a guide indicates that a higher force is guiding you toward your goals. You are on the right path toward personal development or spiritual enlightenment.

From: http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=tour

What Is With All the Tours?

2012-01-05T19:23:00.003-05:00

Last night, I had two dreams (that I could tell.) Both put me, again, at the lead of two very different tours.
In the first dream, all that I could remember when I awoke was that it was a farm. However, this time, it wasn't the farm where I work (in waking life) and I didn't work there in the dream.
The following is what I had written in my dream journal this morning. (I don't remember anything from either dream, so this is all new to me again as I share it here.)
I lead a tour at a sort of hospital with a major children's leukemia wing/school. I worked there and was helping a little, Asian boy with his schoolwork and finding a book. (It was book seven in a series of large novels.) Also, there was some sort of family thing (my family, but not my real life family) going on while I was flirting/on a date with a really swarthy guy. I knew we'd be getting intimate later, so, at one point I left the party to go to my room and clean, but all I could think about was "What will everyone else think of me? I hope they don't hear anything..."
Odd. Seems my preoccupation with what others think has finally carried over into my dreams. What is strange to me, too, is my overwhelming involvement with people in my dreams. Is my psyche trying to compensate for my lack of human contact in my daily life? Or is my subconscious trying to tell me to get out and start reconnecting with people, again?

Ah ha! Interesting find, here. In searching the number 7 in numerology (to see what that book number represents), I found the following website:
http://www.ofesite.com/spirit/numerology/path7.htm
The first two paragraphs basically tell me that I enjoy looking into the mysteries of life, and, given enough pieces, I can usually solve a puzzle. While that last bit is only sometimes true, the third paragraph on the page is what struck me.
You enjoy your solitude, preferring to work alone. You need time to contemplate your ideas without the intrusion of other's people's thoughts. You are a lone wolf, a person who lives by your own ideas and methods.
Huh. Go on.
As a result, close associations are difficult for you to form and to keep especially, marriage. You need your space and privacy, which when violated, can cause great frustration and irritation. When your life is balanced, however, you are both charming and attractive. You can be the life of a party and you enjoy performing before an audience. You enjoy displaying your wit and knowledge, which makes you attractive to others, especially the opposite sex. But you have distinct limits. While you are generous in social situations, sharing your attention and energy freely, you are keenly aware of the need to come off stage, and to return to the solitude of your lair. You associate peace with the unobtrusive privacy of your world. Therefore, intimacy is difficult for you, because you guard your inner world like a mother lion does her cubs.

However, all this privacy and solitude can cause isolation and loneliness. You can be aware of an emptiness in your life, a part of you that yearns for company and close companionship that may be unsatisfied.

If isolation is brought to extreme, you can become cynical and suspicious. You can develop hidden, selfish motives, which people may sense and cause them to be uncomfortable around you. You must guard against becoming too withdrawn and too independent, thus shutting out the love for others, and keeping you from experiencing the true joy of friendship and close companionship.

You must especially watch out for selfishness and egocentricity, thinking of yourself as the center of the universe, as the only person who really matters. Social contract gives you perspective on yourself and on life, while too much isolation can make you too narrow, and even shut off from the rest of the world.
A-yep.

Three More Days

2012-01-04T20:19:00.002-05:00

Even though I had my first cup of Mugwort-Wormwood tea on Sunday night, and (technically) one isn't meant to have more than one cup a week, I'm going to make Saturday night my designated dirty-old-sock tea night. I'll meditate, maybe do some yoga. Really wind down and have my cuppa before bed. Sundays are my days off, and, since the other gal at work offered to work the hours I was going to pick up since our bosses are out of town, I let her have them. This way, I will be able to allow the full effect of the second cup. In addition, I'm interested to see what is in store after I actually prep myself before the tea and really allow the full effect.
Tomorrow morning, I'll let you know if I dream of anything tonight.

Isn't That Just Neat?!

2012-01-04T08:48:00.004-05:00

After reading The Wizardess' (http://gooutbeneaththenakednight.blogspot.com/)latest blog on 2012 Tarot guidance, I did a little quick numerology to find what my Major Arcana would be for this year.

If you are so inclined, the long version of what she means is on the artist's website: www.paulina.ws/joiedevivre/2highpriestess.html.

Short answer: My Year of Discovery is a go!

Steppin' Out

2012-01-04T07:18:00.004-05:00

Nothing to report from Dreamland last night. I assumed the dreams would just be more vivid; not necessarily more frequent.
In other news, I have decided that this will be my year of discovery. Though, obviously it's already begun in the personal/spiritual side of things. My plans will not falter this year; I swear it! What's on the menu for 2012 growth? My year of discovery will take me to daring heights and exciting worlds.
Here's the plan (as it stands right now.)
~Spring (April): Skydive!!! Those of you that have known me forever know that this is something that I have always wanted to do. Finally, this year, I will do it and feel the rush of being above the world without a flying device (until the chute opens, of course.)
~Fall (End of September/Beginning of October or End of October): Ireland/England!!! Woo-Hoo!!! Need I say more?
~Fall (End of November/Middle of December): Somewhere exotic!!! I'd love to go on Safari in Africa, but it's just too expensive to do this year. So, I'm thinking about the jungles of Costa Rica or, if it is affordable, New Zealand!

It's all very exciting, and I am so glad to finally be stepping out into the world. Finances are panning out, so now I just need to slim down a little more before going for my passport photos.

Weeeee!!!!!!

Last Night's Tidbits

2012-01-03T21:40:00.002-05:00

I was giving my family a tour of the farm I worked at (though, in the dream it was really only a version of my real life job.) It was in the mountains and you got from place to place by way of cable car gondolas. Later, after the tour, we all took part in a Samhain celebration/ritual. Organization was a big theme in last night's dream.
Wonder what tonight will bring...

The Results

2012-01-02T06:25:00.003-05:00

Hey! Look at that! I'm still here. To tell you the truth, the reality of what I had done began settling in as soon as I snuggled under the covers and turned of the light, last night. "What am I doing?" I thought. Maybe I should have researched more about those herbs before drinking them down. "Too late, now." Besides, in all of the researched I had read, nothing had actually said that the dried versions of the Artemisias would harm me. The oil essences, especially that of the Wormwood, were the only items that no one should even touch. Luckily, Mugwort and Wormwood (fresh or dry) are only off-limits to children, pregnant women and women trying to become pregnant. So, you know? I'm off the hook.

Once again, I took 1 tsp Mugwort, 1/2 tsp Wormwood and 1/2 tsp Licorice Root, and steeped them in 1 C of boiling water for 10 minutes. This is meant to be drunk just before bed. In all that I had read, sources warned of the bitterness of the concoction. That was the purpose for the Licorice Root; it was meant to take the edge off. Well, if the Licorice Root took some of the edge off, I am thanking my lucky stars that I used it! Bitter does not even begin to describe the taste. It snuck up on my tastebuds at the back of my tongue and loitered there. (That may be a result of my attempt at chugging the brew and no allowing it access to the myriads of tastebuds anywhere else. I wasn't looking for a palette pleaser or hidden notes; I wanted that liquid down the gullet so I could go to bed and see what effect it might have.) Have you ever wondered what sweaty, old gym socks would taste like? No need to wait for a Bertie Botts Bean flavor! Down a cuppa and you'll experience it in full effect!

My Goddess! It was horrid! I had to stop after every other gulp to shiver and make sure that it wasn't coming back up (not only for flavor, but, if my body was going to reject this, now was going to be the time.) After a quarter of the way through, I decided that honey, as suggested by one of the recipes, was a must. I don't know exactly how much I added, because measurement was not important as I impatiently watched the amber mana crawl its way down through the bottle to the edge of the lid; where I squeezed and squeezed, praying for some alleviation in flavor. While I may have only added roughly 1/2 tsp of honey, I can tell you that I was amazed just how much it helped. But that lingering, back of the tongue after taste? Well, it lingered. I finished the tea. It lingered. I shivered and made the sounds a child makes after taking that horrid, yellow cough syrup. Stuck my tongue out a few times, too. Even did a little dance. Figuring it wouldn't affect the effects of the tea, I downed a glass of warm water (as that was the temp that immediately came from my tap), then rinsed quickly with mouthwash. Now that I think on it, maybe brushing and flossing right before drinking the infusion wasn't the best idea. We all know how leftover toothpaste flavor can turn one follow up flavor into something utterly revolting. Nevertheless, I would try drinking before brushing next time. (Incidentally, in case I didn't mention it before: this tea should only be downed once a week at the most.)

Results in Dreamland:
Nothing spectacular, really. I mean, I'm a fairly vivid dreamer most nights of the week. Then again, this tea is also meant to enhance my psychic ability, and will probably require regular practice. At any rate, here are the fine points I could recall when I sleepily wrote them down this morning.
~Loads of research in a massive library.
~Watery, cavernous caves. I did not feel at all threatened.
~I recall frequently checking (? happening to see?) a glowing, green, digital dashboard clock. I cannot recall the times, but this was a recurring thing.

*Shrug* Maybe I'm being influenced by my daily "marathon" of Destination Truth episodes, but I definitely feel as though I was exploring. I've had dreams in the past week or so where I was part of a team of explorers. However, this time, I feel like I was the leader of the crew.

Interesting. We shall see what this week brings, and if things become clearer after my second cuppa next Sunday night.

Giving It A Go

2012-01-01T20:58:00.002-05:00

In the spirit of things new and exciting, I'm going to attempt a return to the practices that I had abandoned so long ago. Truly, I had acquired herbs and other items to help me with my ever growing interest in natural spiritualism, but never actually used them. In fact, I still have, and get this, an ounce of "Holy Water." It was part of a lot of herbs I had bought on eBay years ago. Who knows if the herbs are even any good anymore, but I'm interested in giving it a go at long last.

My first experiments shall be to use what I've got to increase my psychic ability. I don't know just how strong my natural abilities will be once unblocked, but I have been told by the few mediums I have consulted that, once opened, my psychic talents will be amazing. (I'm paraphrasing, here.)

Tonight: An herbal infusion tea of dried Mugwort (for vivid dreams and some psychic enhancement), dried Wormwood (for psychic enhancement and protection in Dreamland) and dried Licorice Root (to help with the bitterness of the first two.) From what I understand, a Mugwort tea is bitter enough without adding the insult of Wormwood. Supposedly, Licorice Root (which just so happened to be in that lot of herbs, as well) should help cut the taste a bit.
1 tsp Mugwort
1/2 tsp Wormwood
1/2 tsp Licorice Root
1 C boiling water
Steep for 5-10 minutes.
If it's really as bad as they make it sound, I'll be downing that mo-fo as quickly as my throat will allow without burning my esophagus.

I will report on my dreams tomorrow.
Goodnight. *^_^*

It's Been a Decade!

2012-01-01T18:27:00.002-05:00

It's been a decade, and I said I'd never do it again.
Ah! But the siren song of organized, classroom education calls.
Sadly, the main reason I opted out of higher education was a lack of funds. I was certainly not into the idea of being buried by debt at such a young age. Perhaps it was luck that I had the foresight to see then that a career in art after schooling probably wouldn't happen. Not only that, but my interest in a full time career has shifted dramatically.
Orignally, I had dreamed of a career in the arts; namely, animation and illustration. Now, after having worked outside nearly every day for the past 3.5 years with plants and animals, I find myself gravitating toward the more scientific side of things. If I had to put a label (or several labels, in fact) on my sphere of interest, I would say that biology, zoology, ornithology and entomology captivate me far more than my other thoughts. Animals (especially the great diversity of birds and their evolution from those reptilian monsters of long, long ago) and the shear enormity of populations of bugs simply leave me in awe and a deeper respect of nature.
See, in school, the only classes I cared about were the arts (visual arts, chorus and theater) and English. Science only fascinated me when I understood and the teacher made it interesting. Math never really made sense to me. Otherwise, I would stick with what I knew; art. Thinking on my junior high and high school years, I remember actually enjoying Science with Mrs. Trask, Biology with Mr. Anastasia and Environmental Science with Mr. Hoppensteadt. In fact, Environmental Science was an elective, now that I think of it! Field work was actually fun, and the labs were pretty cool. But when things started getting hairy (Chemistry and Physics), my brain couldn't keep up and I'd often find myself crying into my homework because I just wasn't getting it. That is a lingering fear. Though, as I'm told, college is different. If you don't get it, and you go back for help, they actually help you understand. There are numerous ways to explain any given problem. Not all high school teachers are equipped with the knowledge to turn the puzzle piece-shaped solutions around to fit in with the jigsaws of our differing brains.
Then again, the school I keep researching (Unity College in Maine), though it seems like a dream would be roughly $20,000...after supposed financial aid. And who's to say I can even be awarded aid anymore? After all, it has been a while since I've taken a class that's lasted longer than a day. There is a possibility of aid from the tribe of which my family is a part, but there is still that lingering fear of balancing work, school and extra curricular activities. I know it can be done; people do it ALL the time. But can I handle it?
Oh! But wouldn't it just be a dream to be a biologist/zoologist living and breathing the yearning to make the world a better place for animals, plants and human beings?

Look at me!!!

2011-12-27T20:15:00.003-05:00

My generation has this odd, almost ingrained behavior and need for the world to give all of its attention to whatever we may be doing at any given time. While I realize that not every person of my age bracket is a part of this narcissistic wavelength, I feel that it is not easily escaped by most. Sadly, my need for attention stems from this generational quirk. Then again, my need to have loads of alone time helps temper the irrational itch for constant attention.
What brought this on? *shrugs* I don't really know, but why is it there? Why are all of these social media sites so necessary and when did meeting people in public without a machine attached to your head become an obsolete form of communication? When did every little thought become so important? Even here and now I'm doing it; "Read my blog! I'm saying something important!!! Look at me!!!"
Perhaps my love of fantasy and my belief in nearly all things magical were born of this strange need for consideration. When someone tells you, "I believe in faeries," honestly, what is your typical reaction? I can tell you that, when I feel that I've known someone long enough to tell them of my beliefs, I wonder if they will stick around much after the fact. Even though I know how crazy I sound to the typical "get up, live my life, go to bed, die" sort of people I see everyday, I risk it. Why? Am I looking for attention? This leads me to wonder, "Do I really believe these things, or am I simply so practiced at grasping for attention that I've gotten to the point that I'll get it any way I can?"
Also, at the risk of sounding brusque and boorish, I often wonder if I am mildly, cognitively impaired. What are your thoughts? You, my fine readers, immerse yourselves in fantasy daily. Have you had these thoughts? What have been your conclusions?

A Classic Christmas Toon

2011-12-15T18:51:00.001-05:00

Sleepy Mind Rambling

2011-12-10T23:46:00.002-05:00

Ooh! You know who I think is just scrumptious?
Josh Gates of Destination Truth.
Mmm...yeah...

That is all.

Harumph!

2011-10-14T21:32:00.003-04:00

My geekness has been harassing me nearly non-stop for the past two days. She wants to delay the trip to Ireland so that we can go to San Diego Comic Con instead, next year.

Ireland:
-companion will not make definite plans
-companion not physically able to go for long periods of time
+definitely travel with someone
+cheaper
+look for faeries
+see the sacred wells
+kiss the Blarney Stone (yes, I know what the locals do to it...)
+real vacation

Comic Con:
-would have to find companions
-more expensive than overseas travel
+see celebrities
+see California (well, part of it.)
+be a part of one of THE BIGGEST conventions in the world
+near other theme/amusement parks that I've always wanted to visit
+real vacation

Ireland, obviously the victor by greater number of pros, calls. Then again, I love conventions. I get that sense of, "I'm seeing/learning/doing things that really resonate with one of my bigger interests." Yet again, Ireland will most likely sync with those feelings pertaining to another, main interest of mine.

Grrr... so frustrating! If I had at least one or two other people interested in going to Comic con with me, this wouldn't even be an issue! I'd have begun making plans by now. Harumph! Indeed!

Normally, I'd say, "Nothing," but...

2011-09-16T18:15:00.003-04:00

So, my birthday is fast approaching. (October 5th, for those of you not in the know.) No one has asked the seemingly obligatory question that pops up whenever a birthday nears; "What do you want for your birthday." While I never expect anything because we all have bills to pay and reasons we're saving, and I haven't been much of a gift-giver myself for the past few years, I usually reply, "Nothing. Thank you, but I just want to get together with everyone on a day that works for us all. Nothing fancy." To be honest, I think I started using this response when I was old enough to see that my parents were always wrestling with financial issues. I didn't need more stuff, and they certainly didn't need to tackle the whole, "what should we get Renee this year" bit.
I digress.
While no one has asked me, I had planned to respond in the usual way. It would be fun to get together for a lunch date at the Common Ground or early dinner at the Indian place I love (but rarely visit because they are a tad bit pricey...) Also, every year since I was 12, the Saturday or Sunday closest to my birthday would be spent wandering the grounds at King Richard's Faire. I had my first French kiss there on my 18th birthday trip. It was knight at the joust! But that's another story. So, I've got that planned for the 2nd (since the 5th is a Wednesday, I figured it would be more fun to go before my birthday, rather than after.) I know for a fact that Sister Steph will be along for that trip. Have yet to find out if anyone else will be joining us. (I know it's not really your thing, Sister Jen and Auntie, but let me know if you guys want to come along, as well. *^_^*)
ANYWAY! I keep getting off track...
If someone asks me what I want, this year, it will be the usual "nothing," followed by, "but if you feel the NEED to get me something (which I really, truly and honestly would not be upset if I didn't get anything, mind you), I wouldn't mind getting some taxidermy insects."
Seriously.
I'm not even kidding! Check out this awesome bunch I found in an eBay search.
My eBay search for bugs!
So cool! I can just see my walls lined with shadow boxes full of these beauties!
But, you know, I'm really just as happy getting together with my lovely friends/family!!
Really. Again, I'm not kidding. *~_^*

Pagan Pride!

2011-09-11T18:47:00.004-04:00

Why have I not gone to Pagan Pride Day before? Honestly, there is no answer to this question. No excuses. None. I can tell you one thing, though; I won't be missing another ever again!

This year's Guest Speaker was Mr. Raven Grimassi. Now, I have one of his books (Encylopedia of Wicca and Witchcraft. Second edition, if you must know.) I thought that I had bought it in 2008. However, the "bookmark" I have been using is the original receipt of purchase. This revealed, upon closer inspection that it was actually bought in 2004. My books are well-loved, but equally, if not more passionately taken care of. Books, I think, deserve all of the respect and care that went into making them (writing, designing, binding, etc.) So, when I brought the tome with me today, I thought, "If I meet Raven, I'll ask him if he'll sign my book for me." Then, I kept talking myself out of it with thoughts of "He'll see it and think that I just bought it! No one believes that I use my books as often as I do!" Well, when I met him later in the day, I was pleased to hear him tell me that he'd be glad to sign it for me! So, when my friends and I went back to our cars to unload items and grab other things, I giddily grabbed my book. He was still at the booth when we returned to the vendor area, so, as previously promised, Mr. Grimassi signed my book! One of my friends offered to take a picture, and I asked Mr. Grimassi if that would be alright. Not only was he kind and willing, he walked out into the sunlight for a better shot! He is such a sweet, gifted man, and I was so thrilled by our encounters today. His talk on manifesting consciousness was fantastic and so enlightening! He would stop and give us opportunities to ask questions or make comments, then go on. Mr. Grimassi's style of public speaking is informative, but presented in such a way as to help the listener/participant feel as if they were having the conversation over coffee. Little wonder; the man has had a lifetime of practice! His signing, talk and little side chats throughout the afternoon were the highlights of my day. I'll be sure to post the picture when my friend sends me a copy.

Of course, my fangirl is showing, but I had a marvelous time overall involving many other facets of the Southeastern Massachusetts Pagan Pride Day! I met another great man who was doing reading and healings. Come to find that he is from the Ojibwa Tribe of Native Americans (like my family and me), and the grandfather of a friend of mine! Go figure! I hope to tap into some of his tribe knowledge, as my family's ability to pass that on has gone with my great-grandmother to the grave and my grandmother into her Alzheimer's laden mind. Mr. O'Berry teaches at a place called the "Wigwam" in Onset, MA.

One of the vendors, FaireyCrowns (tm) makes these really gorgeous faerie crowns with silk flowers, silver wiring and natural and precious stones. You know me, folks; I loves me some faerie shinnies! Unable to resist, my gal pal and I each tried one on. My went beautifully with what I wore (Fall colors, yeah!), and my friend's red crown really made the blue of her eyes pop! Afterwards, I offered to model for her if she ever had need of one. Well! Wouldn't you know it? She's re-building her website very soon and took my info right down! She said that she and her photographer would even come to the Cape for me, so start scoping out some scenery! Lovely! Even better; she's going to barter my modeling for that very crown I tried on! For a fae like me, watching what she's buying so she can save money to get to Ireland to see the scared wells and visit a few wee folks at theirs mounds, that was a deal! I would love to support her monetarily, but $130.00 was just too rich for my blood. So, it just works out perfectly! I'm really looking forward to modeling for her, and feel blessed to be able to acquire one of her amazing works of wearable art. For a crown like the one I tried on, she said it would take her about three months to complete (very start to very end!) Now, that is a labor of love.

Yea! Fun Weekend!

2011-09-09T06:38:00.002-04:00

If you are local to Cape Cod, you should know that tonight is the Annual Sea Chantey Dinner at Coonamessett Farm! I didn't work/attend last year, as most of you may remember because I was visiting that guy in the hospital. At any rate, I'm working tonight and it's going to be GREAT FUN!!! So, if you are local and interested in coming, be sure to call and reserve your tickets by noon today! We're encouraging period or pirate dress and will be bustling away to the salt water sounds of the Rum Soaked Crooks! Come and a stay a while, me harties!

Also, Sunday is Pagan Pride Day! I'll be celebrating at the PPD festivities in Lakeville with a friend and her witch boyfriend. Such fun! Raven Grimassi is the special guest, and, though he won't remember me, my tarot teacher from WAY back will be giving a talk, as well. So excited!!!!!!

Lil' Sumpin' Sumpin'

2011-08-31T19:34:00.002-04:00

I had a fantastic dream last night! Alan Rickman was there. *^_^* I have to wonder if it was the Novocaine from my dentist that still hadn't worn off by the time my head hit the pillow...

Life has been good, but I've fallen off of the weight-loss wagon. Starting tomorrow, I'll be clawing my way back on. Once I'm firmly in place, I'm digging in the nails and not letting go!!

We've welcomed two new baby does (goats) into the world on Monday morning. It was almost a c-section, but turned out well without any surgery!

That's all, I suppose. I'll try to be better. Thanks for your encouragement and patience (especially Wizardess and Jen!!!)