Me: The Modern Mindset

This blog, for me, is truly a public journal. Though I have addressed topics palatable by many, the majority of posts have been those of self-discovery and the working-through of personal experiences. I remain grateful for those of you who have contributed and shown interest over the years. Even if I never meet some of you, I genuinely appreciate all of you.

That said, here we find ourselves in the shadow of an impending Venus Retrograde. Not just any retrograde, though. This will be one of Her transits through Libra and Scorpio - which only occur every 8 years. This year, She comes out the Shadow Phase and moves into full Retrograde on my birthday of all days! Nevertheless, I must say that this discovery, for me, was actually quite comforting. Past relationship woes, reminders, dreams of exes, and the like were plaguing me with sudden abruptness. When I finally found out about my beautiful ruling planet's backtracking, it all began to make sense.
So, as they say, knowing is half the battle. So right they are (whomever they may be... G.I. Joe? ABC?) Armed with this information, I marched headlong into the realms of astrology to attempt to find that which I am meant to learn and experience. Thank goodness for all of my written journals (which I faithfully date at the end of each entry.) I have diaries that date all the way back to my junior high school years! Café Astrology has been an immense help in the teasing out of my lessons for growth. Additionally, Old World Witchcraft on Instragram was the source that pointed out the transit in the first place. So, I went back and did a quick search on "Café", and, low and behold, they listed previous Venus Retrograde intervals. I took these dates, cross-checked them against my journals, and found the patterns that most need work. It doesn't surprise me, but I am a sucker for homework. (I can know what I have to do, but, until someone else tells me to do it, it remains a mere acknowledgement in the back of my mind. "I'll deal with it eventually...")
I have always been, and may always be, boy crazy. Those of you that know me or have been following this blog for a few years can attest to this fact. And, you know? I'm okay with this. What I'm not okay with is my insistence on throwing myself at all of my crushes until one of them sticks, for better or worse. It's not attractive to myself, nor, after some time, to anyone else. This is the boldest theme in the entries that coincided with past Venus Retrogrades. The other glaring facet of my personality during those times? Only seeing relationships, and not the two people involved within them - I count, too. I gush on and on about the guys I've liked, even loved, but, in those heady periods I don't seem to matter to myself.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but, I should be the most important person in my life when I'm not with someone. Further, I shouldn't completely disappear in the pursuit of, and subsequent dating of the men I'm with. Relationships are meant to be equals. The balance may shift from time to time, but, in general, it should remain steadily even.
Back to Café Astrology, though. One can check their Birth Chart for matching degrees of Venus Retro and Direct, find the ruling House, then read up on the lessons meant to be learned at this time. Sadly, I had nothing directly matching the degrees, but I checked the closest matches, and went from there. Even so, I found pertinent information and assistance. What once seemed heavy and hopeless is now direct power in my hands that I can use to develop my soul.
This isn't in an attempt to find someone (Screw you, North Node in Gemini! I'll decide when to rejoin society!), but rather an opportunity to prove to myself that I am a worthy person. I have glimmering moments of great arrogance and vanity, so, it isn't as if I'm down on myself all of the time. However, I do find that I recede into the shadows and hide my true self when I meet men that spark my interest. Don't misunderstand; I don't lose myself. I am always here, just less so as I coo over and preen whomever my beloved may be. We all deserve that, in equal measure, if we choose to pursue companionship. But we all deserve to love ourselves fully throughout our lives, too. That is the mission Venus Retrograde has set forth for me this time around. Since she's in full power on my birthday, I simply cannot choose to ignore Her any longer.