Though the Solstice brings hope and slowly increasing daylight hours, many are temporarily changed by Seasonal Affective Disorder. The Soul feels only the cold and sees only the darkness. Yet, what better time does the year afford to dive deep within and work on ourselves than that which makes staying in and cozying up in soft layers all the more perfect? For me, it is the moments of frustration with self limitations and the recollections of past rejections that stimulate the awareness of the need to look within for change and growth. Often, the winter months are the times in which I am thrown into these melancholic musings. Here I find myself, again, turning to my books and journals, ready to wade into the dark depths and see what currents will sweep me along to new shores of self-realization. My journey awaits.
Exactly two years and ten days ago I began inner work guided by Devin Hunter through his book The Witch's Book of Power. Sadly, though my journal reads that I made a strong start, I set it aside for whatever reasons there may have been; life often gets in the way. However, life will always get in the way if we let it. Part of the Power I seek to gain is the ability to grow, nurture, and use my energy and gifts in spite of life. Nearly every day from as far back as I can remember has been one of self-exploration and desire to grow into the person and soul that I both want and feel I am meant to become.
The Deities hold a stock in me and are constantly checking in to see how it matures. This is something I have been sure of since early childhood, when I could see and hear things that I was told weren't there. I had an early affinity for psychic leanings and enjoyed the many deja-vu moments I experienced when other children were left frightened by the feelings they couldn't understand. The colors of my life have been blue (the color of the Goddess), green (the color of growth), and red (the color of psychic ability.) Sadly, my fear of success often wins over my fear of failure, and the closer I get to achieving the spiritual greatness that is inherent in this life, the more likely I am to self-sabotage.
This is my numerology year 8 (on several levels), however, so management and organization to set myself up for the future I am slated to have will help steer my hand toward gentler self-care and progress. Through Venus Retrograde investigation last year, I recognized a tendency in myself to dissolve in relationships. This is a constant struggle, but, as with most things, changing it gets easier with practice. I am a soul in constant states of change and growth. As such, I am determined to remain whole and stand and be seen in all relationships - including that which I have with myself - and the promises I made before birth to the Greater Beings. A part of their magick and wonder is within me - as it is within you - and turning my back on the nurturing of that powerful seed in unacceptable. This is my Reboot button on finding my Power, learning how to hold and work it, and doing the good that I am contracted to do in this life.
Have you found your Power? Do you work with it daily? Weekly? How many times have you lost track and needed to clear the path of life's overgrowth to get back to your Core?
