Sunday, July 29, 2012

What to do? What to do?

Now that I am back to a fairly regular 5-days-a-week schedule at work, days off have been more lazy. Granted, I vegged out today because I just spent the last week dog/house-sitting for a friend/co-worker. The pup and I had fun, and it was like a mini-holiday away from home (except that I still had to work during the majority of the stay.) Nevertheless, having a live housemate for a week, when I'm so used to being alone when I come home does tend to take a bit out of me. Friday was a dream, though! That was my last day off before today. Slept in an hour later than usual (so...woke up at 6:30am), took a lovely, long walk with the pup, had breakfast with her, then headed off to the Commons for a little "me time." Booked a haircut for the afternoon, grabbed a smoothie for lunch, made an appointment with a new optometrist, perused the shelves of the local bookstore, devoured a fair portion of a book bought from said shop, then had my haircut. Then, it was back to the house for another long walk with the pup, laundry, some more reading (outside on the porch)and dinner.
Later, I invited myself over to a friend's house, and we watched the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. I'm not one for spectating. Heck! The only time I really remember paying attention was when Sarah Hughes won gold. I was so excited for her that I cried! It was thrilling. But it was actually really nice to watch it with someone who is very physically active (and it shows!) that actually gets into the stories of the players. Story short: we enjoyed ourselves.
I came home late last night, because my friend was returning very early this morning, and I didn't want to leave the little darling dog alone; especially since a fierce thunderstorm had begun the hour I was going to leave. She was shaking so violently that I put on some music, sat back down with her and read for a bit. I sang to her, too, in an attempt to drown out the thunder and soothe her a little. However, I don't think Journey was very soothing to her poor, raw nerves. The storm subsided a bit a couple of hours later, with it went her shakes. So, I loaded up the car, said my fond farewells, making sure to tell her that her "mommy" would be home soon and headed home.
Slept in until 6 this morning, then was up like a shot cleaning the house. It is incredible how quickly spiders will take over once their human has vacated for a few days! Those little (and big! Yikes!) suckers were everywhere! Then, I plugged my composting toilet back in, only to throw a fuse, causing my fridge and all of the kitchen outlets to snap off. What an ordeal! Luckily, it's just the toilet, and I'll just have to run it manually until a solution is found and carried out. No big deal; I've done that before when the mixing arm broke. If you're thinking about investing in a composting toilet, you would be better off investing your time into researching companies and models first. Very thoroughly. Cleaning, last bit of laundry and fuse business done, what did I do with the rest of my day? Well, friends, I checked all of my emails/websites that I haven't seen in a week (no internet at the house I was in), then went back through my favorite karaoke videos on YouTube, sang a few and made a list for a new, themed mix cd I want to make. After that? Watched a couple of videos of opera and reminded myself that I promised myself that I'd take voice lessons when my car was fixed. As far as I know, now, it's fixed. We'll see how much my new glasses/contacts cost next month, then go from there. I still plan on taking English riding lessons (in the Fall) and my first skydive (hopefully on my birthday weekend), so things may be a little pricey. But, you know? I've been yearning for voice lessons since high school, so I'm going to do it. And I'm going to do it right. The plan is the go for private lessons through the Cape Cod Conservatory. I'm looking forward to the lessons, but so much more to the recitals. Singing in front of a crowd is easier than acting, in my opinion. You have music to follow, words that rhyme and it's over relatively quickly. Oh, yeah, and there are the compliments, too. Can't forget that.
Alright, kiddies, I'm off for the next thing for tonight. Who knows what that will be? I haven't run for a week or so. Maybe that'll be it. Then again, I haven't planned for any Sabbats for quite some time, and Lughnasadh is right around the corner! Anyone got anything special planned for the first harvest?

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


Want to know what it feels like to want to tear your own skin completely off? Be me for a day or two and you'll come to know that feeling oh so well. Not just any day or two, mind, but days when guys are inserted into my everyday thinking. For instance, remember my last post? You do, but here's a refresher. I "cut myself loose from fella #1" because I felt that his interest had waned. Regardless of that, I still wanted him. In fact, no lie, I still do. Anyway, after I posted that blog, he texted me saying that he's sorry, he's been busy, but he wanted to talk to me soon. I responded a day later with, "You're always busy. It's your schtick. What's up? Sounds important." Unemotional, I thought. Then, I didn't hear from him again. Being stuck in gear, I texted him again, a day later. "Praying to the Niquil gods tonight. I hope you got over whatever it was you had." (He had been sick the last time I saw him...a week prior.) Still no word.
Then, tonight, he called.
"This is a surprise," was my answer. We had a short chat about our respective days, then he dove right into it. He feels really bad that he's been so busy and our schedules just don't match up. He feels worse because he thinks I'm a great person, but he doesn't want me to think that he's stringing me along. He wants me to take opportunities with work and guys when I have them without worrying about getting together with him, because he doesn't know when we'll be able to get together. I thanked him for actually calling me to tell me this, rather than texting, or simply letting it go. He repeated that it was the right thing to do because he does like me, but right now is just not a good time. I told him that he should feel free to pursue others, too, if they come along and fit into his schedule. But he sort of brushed it off, and told me that he doesn't think that's going to happen the way his life is right now.
So, we left it at a sort of stalemate. We both want to see each other, but schedules conflict. I've got "#3" waiting for a call back (now that my voice is beginning to return), so I'm not putting my life on hold by any means. We agreed that we'd keep the lines of communication open and text or call when we have time, hopefully catch each other with time now and again. But it's so frustrating! Do I only want him because he's "unattainable"? Or do I want him for the reasons I like him? (Which are more than anyone knows.) I'd like to think it's the latter, but what difference would it make? I'm screaming inside my skull, right now, pleading with the Universe to make my lessons a little easier! But it's not bloody listening! I mean, to anyone outside of the situation, the answer is pretty damn obvious. But from the inside, where the heart that is doing all of the feeling and the brain that is doing all of the over-thinking reside? Yeah, the soul inside this skin is begging for a reprieve.
Dragonfly, Crow and Rabbit have been trying to tell me things all Spring and Summer, too. What the hell do you guys want from me?!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Forget It

We all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us, right? Well, I'm giving up on Fella #1 after today. Long story short, I propose plans quite a lot, but he, for one reason or another turns them down. So, for that reason, I'm done with him. If there is any further texting (because calls just don't happen), it'll be initiated by him. That being the case, it's pretty much over and done. I don't see him taking that step. His interest has obviously waned, and I'm cutting myself loose.
It's the fourth of July, though, and there is fun to be had downtown, tonight. So, I invited #2 to join us at the boat contest. Should be good. #3 now has my number, and lives considerably nearer than #s 1 and 2. This summer is getting quite dramatic and frustrating interesting.
Stay tuned.

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