Sunday, March 8, 2009

Musings of a Lethargic Mind

About two weeks ago I received a call back from a producer of an independent film being shot locally for which I had auditioned. Things haven't been running as smoothly as a I had imagined a movie shoot would, but I'm having fun, meeting new people and getting my face out there. Well, at least I know my hands and my shadow will be out there. My face will simply have to wait, then follow.
Yesterday, as I sat waiting to be called to shoot my scenes, I grabbed my little notebook and jotted down my thoughts to be posted here. They may seem a little punchy and scattered. That's because I worked the farm, then the cafe Monday through Friday. Then I had to get up at five Saturday morning to leave by six and drive for an hour and a half (down a strip of highway here on Cape called "Suicide Alley." You do the math.) I arrived at my destination at seven-thirty and waited for three hours to get started. We shot, then I waited for another two hours and shot another scene. I left at three-thirty and returned home too exhausted to post or edit my writing. Here you go! *^_^*

Waking early is always difficult when there's somewhere I have to be. Give me an easy morning with no alarm or squirrel-y attic-scratching and I can rise with the sun, if that's what my body wants. Rising with the sun, driving with no one but speed traps to watch for, then waiting for three hours to walk across a hallway from one heavy hospital door to another: that gives you the opportunity to appreciate nature.
Alright, you get the early morning waking. Even the solemnity of having the road and the lonely call of the birds all to yourself makes sense. "But, why," you wonder, "does doing nothing for three hours help you appreciate the world around you?" On one of the most beautiful days we've had this winter, let alone the first Spring-y day since the most recent snowfall and cold snap, you can literally watch the snow melt right before your eyes. Even if I can't go outside and bask in the golden rays of Helios, sitting in a room where the walls consist almost entirely of windows allows me to feel the heat of the sun, watch the world outside and, in doing so, feel closer through observation. Don't me wrong, I'd much rather be enjoying this sudden "heat wave" actively outside! There's supposed to be another cold front (according to the "Window on the Weather" piece in the Witches' Almanac that ends this Spring.) But sitting with other ladies of like mind (acting) and various shapes and sizes, in tandem with sitting quietly by myself and watching all of the extras, cast and crew buzzing around has given me a very calm, meditative state of mind. Of course, I'm not journeying, sitting in Lotus position or chanting "ohm," but by just being, I'm finding, can also serve as a meditation. I may have been told this before by enlightened friends, but these are the same people that are reminding me constantly to ground myself. Today, however, I find myself right here. I'm meditating, but I'm right here; in this chair, on this this floor, in this room, at this senior center, in Wellfleet waiting to shoot another scene.
I can wait.
While I wait, why don't I sit up, plant my feet flat on the floor in front of me, keep my knees at ninety degrees and breathe in slowly, but deeply? Why don't I hold it for a few seconds and let it out just as slowly and repeat two or three times? Why don't I take advantage of this chance to be in the moment and meditate deeper?
Woo! No wonder they have oxygen bars! That sleepy headache that was starting directly behind my left eye has disappeared. I also found a little yawn that was hiding all the way down below my lungs. As I breathed in, I felt it coming out to play and I fought it. Don't know why. So I changed my strategy and embraced the little guy, who quickly turned into a monster of a yawn! Thinking of it just now coaxed out his little brother.
Yawning is good. A little extra oxygen to the brain is never a bad thing.
There go my nerves...someone brought in an infant that's begun crying. Of course, in the space of that sentence, it's stopped. Now, there's that fear. I'm just waiting for it to open it's mouth again. (Can you tell I don't like children? Strange for a female witch, eh? Someone who's "supposed" to embrace life.) I adore nature and green growth, pregnant sheep and other animals, even the work of ants (contrary to the mind of my young self and the ant trails all those years ago.) But human life? I guess it's just something I'll have to work on.

I'm building a tentative list of flowers and herbs for my garden, but I have yet to figure out much more than that. Flowers that attract faeries are a must; I work with them in my magick...whether I like it or not! *~_^* Of course, this arid soil and shady lawn make it incredibly difficult to figure out what will do well two weeks to two months down the line. This unforgiving, New England weather doesn't allow much in the tangible preparation of a garden, so the dedication may be the most I can do until the ground is visble and plowable. I'm thinking of a trine or maybe three intersecting circles.
It's a start, right?

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