Lately, I will admit, I have been a little confused as to how I could explain just what I've been going through emotionally. All because of some guy that I barely know, yet, I thought I did. We've all been through the rocky parts of meeting someone new, becoming friends, risking that friendship on the off-chance there might be the tiniest spark of a romance just waiting to ignite and fully engulf your life in the flames of passion, belonging and completeness. We've all been through what I've been going through. This confusion, I thought, was subsiding; leaving my mind and heart. But, when someone tells you that they value honesty and communication, and you strive to fit the bill, what do you do when they can't practice what they preach? What do you do when your intuition (something you should have trusted in the past, should always trust because it's been right for every situation in your life so far) tells you that something just isn't right? Well, when faced with these two prerequisites in a relationship (friendship or otherwise), you try to talk about it in full, honest force, only to be completely shut out and ignored without being given even the decent courtesy of the truth. Blame everything else in the world, but just don't tell it like it is. Telling someone that life is getting in the way, doing a complete 180 from the person you once were, rather than coming clean and admitting that you're just not interested at all in staying friends, let alone getting into something heavier. Well, that's just cowardly. The truth is painful. We all know this. We've all been through it. But, in the long run, isn't it just easier to tell it like it is, even if it means losing someone you had mistakenly thought you wanted in your life?
I just found this program on Hulu.com called Being Erica. It's new-ish, Canadian and amazing. This episode is what finally made me realize how I'm feeling. This episode coaxed out the words and feelings weighing heavily on my chest like heartburn. I suppose that's what it was in a way; heartburn. If you enjoy the episode, you'll love the show. Go back to the very beginning and watch from there. Essentially, it's about a 32 year old woman who feels lost in life. She has many regrets and, through a strange meeting with a man professing to be a psychiatrist, begins therapy. Not just any therapy, mind you, but the chance to address any and all regrets she has about the choices she's made in her life and the ability to go back and change them. The plot is heartwarming, the writing fun and the actors perfect. I'm hooked, you might be, too!
By the way, just so you marvelous people know, I'm changing the name of this blog to The Woman I Want To Be. It makes more sense to me and is more pertinent to the subject matter I seem to be posting. Not to say that I am no longer my spiritual self; rather that Woman encompasses the sum of my soul's parts, not just the faith.
Let me know what you think! *^_^*