Wednesday, January 11, 2012

As an Adult

When I was in high school, I got into the program Ally McBeal when it was in its last season. I loved it! Then, it ended. I remember thinking, "Gee! I wish I had been watching this from the first." No one in school agreed. In fact, they couldn't really understand why I was so into the show. I mean, I wasn't obsessed with it, by any means! But, honestly, it tickled me.
Well, as I am able to see episodes online now that I missed all of those years ago, it's all the more enjoyable. Why? Back then, I was 16 or 17; totally inexperienced and ignorant to the ways of love and life. For goodness sake! I was that girl in English class. You know who I'm talking about; there is at least one in every class, every year. I was the girl who, during discussions of Romeo and Juliet raised my hand with my nose in the air and disagreed with the teacher. "What did you disagree to, Renee?" you ask. "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I hated that statement and found it melodramatic. "How stupid!" I cried incredulously. "How would someone know what they were missing if they'd never had it? Further more, why would someone want to live with the pain of having lost love, rather than simply live without; not knowing what they'd lost?" It made no sense. Teacher's response? "Try it, and get back to me." Ugh! I was outraged! Maybe I just wanted an argument.
Then again, a few years later, I fell in love. Really in love for the first time. And, until he cheated on me, I was on cloud nine. Now I understood. Sadly, I have yearned for love and a great connection ever since. So, I'm left wondering: is it better to have loved and lost? I may still disagree. I may never find it again, and I know now what I'm missing. Or, perhaps I don't. That guy was a jackass and love may be even more marvelous and magnificent and fabulous and other incredible adjectives. Maybe I don't really know what I'm missing, but, gosh! Even that bit of closeness is hard to go without.
I digress. Ally McBeal. Loved it then, before I knew life and love. Some 10-odd years later, I have known love and life, in many forms. The show really touches base with me as an adult. Poor Ally! Maybe, on some level in my "wise beyond my years" younger days I knew that, though masked in hilarity and foolishness, life actually has darker shades mirrored by the fantastic lives of these characters. Certainly, it's all "go-go-go" and tensions and "what ifs" and "I can't believe she just said/did that." But such is life. The writers conveyed a future to a young woman who barely knew what drama was and what could inevitably become her life. They were able to execute their convictions so succinctly that they ring true even today. That young girl in 2000/1 is now a woman in 2012. And you know? Shows like this help people like me, singles who sometimes feel hopeless in love (let's face it; it does feel like that sometimes.) Well, we feel a little less hopeless. Because, honestly, how could the writers put pen to paper and bring forth those points and feelings (and utter desperation and confusion) if they weren't truly felt by someone else somewhere at some point down the line?


  1. i remember watching ally mcbeal! it was one of 'our shows', that we watched every week. I thought it was very funny. and i agree, sometimes it IS better to not know what you are missing. but on the other hand...maybe now you kind of have a better idea of what you're looking for?

  2. It's true; the more I experience and grow, the more I see and feel and discover just what it is that I'm looking for. It's also true that I may been narrowing my field of potential fellas, but I would rather stay in the "loved and lost" category being content than settle for something that just isn't the love I deserve. You know?


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